Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You left your underwear on the fireplace
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
how does that bad decision feel?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
