she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
