Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
