she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
