I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
