You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
