Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
