I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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