My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
