We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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