Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize