You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
