I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just google imaged poop.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
