I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
