Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
