there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
