I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
