he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Actions speak louder than pants.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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