Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
