Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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