I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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