You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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