What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
