he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
