In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
