Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
