I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
