Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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