shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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