It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
