he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
