You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
