I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
