I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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