you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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