Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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