every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize