someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize