Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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