How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
