We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
