she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
