did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize