i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
