so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
