Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
