Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
