your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
