thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
