just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
