SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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