the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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