Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
