You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
