I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
