I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i will never coherently bang her
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
