oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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