I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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