I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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