i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were destined to go to rehab together
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
