He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize