you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
