Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize