Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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