i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
