ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
