found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize