dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
