Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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