It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
