Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
