I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
