Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am available for nakedness
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
