Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
