I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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