i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
